And in this corner, weighing 143 pounds...

All this talk of the Ultimate Warrior and Hacksaw Jim Duggan--both of whom I saw wrestle live at some point in time, I might add--reminded me of my tiny place in wrestling history. Or standing next to it, really.

When I was about 8 or 9, my oldest sister Debbie and her then-husband David used to take me and David's brothers to matches quite often, whenever whatever tour from the WWF was coming through Houston. We usually had floor seats, but the best were when we somehow managed to snag a pair right on the aisle where the wrestlers enter. When we arrived, Debbie insisted that since she bought the tickets, she got the aisle seat.

The final match was a tag team bout pitting Randy "Macho Man" Savage (now hawking Slim Jims) and Hulk Hogan (never left the spotlight, I guess) against Ted "The Million Dollar Man" DiBiase (now an evangelist on the Trinity Broadcasting Network) and Andre the Giant (long dead, obviously). Even with my hindsight in light of my sexuality, I have no idea why I was so desperate to reach out and touch a stringy-haired, balding, beefed up man as he walked by, but I really wanted to touch Hogan. So, after Savage and Hogan won the match, David's brother, my sister and I -- David was long past the point of coherent sobriety at this point -- squelched our way out in the crowd to try to get a feel.

As Andre the Giant walked by, my other sister Pam and I noticed Debbie suddenly was stumbling backwards. "He hit me!" she shouted. Yup. Andre the Giant, with the enormous arc or his swinging arms, managed to give my sister a nasty whack on the shoulder as he passed. I don't even think he realized he did it. We were so surprised we completely missed Hogan as he passed.

So there you have it. Andre the Giant beat up my sister. Debbie had a nasty bruise but not much else. I still say she should have sued Vince McMahon.