Thursday, August 16, 2007

Even more answers to reader questions

Thanks to the magic of StatCounter, I'll once again try to answer the queries that have led people to this site:

Did they take their clothes off in 'columbinus'?

Yes. Yes, they did. Actually, they started out in their skivvies and put their clothes on. Missed it? Too bad for you. It was a darn good show, to boot.

The emergency brake on the subway in New York?

My advice: DON'T TOUCH IT. Ever. Period.

Patricia Heaton? Patricia Heaton? Patricia Heaton? Patricia Heaton? Patricia Heaton?

Someone call Ms. Heaton. It appears her macaw has escaped its cage.

Is Dave Ward in Houston gay?

For you non-Houstonians, Dave Ward is the newscaster who has been there since Philo T. Farnsworth's day. And to whomever asked this question, I hope, for your sake, you give your gaydar a serious tune-up. No, no, a thousand times, no.

The ultimate 11 Mames?

Let's see. There was Angela Lansbury. Rosalind Russell. Lucille Ball. Christine Baranski recently. Umm, the real one. Sorry, I can't name any more. Just this many has already charmed the husks off of all my corn. Not Carol Channing, speaking of which.

Raul Esparza hair images?

You mean on his head, I presume. At least you'd better, because that's all there is. So I hear.

Cooper Lowenthal nude?

OK, what's this? People find my blog by looking for other bloggers nude? And not me? I'm insulted! Don't make me pull out more gratuitous...never mind. As for the question, maybe he did a production of "Hair" once. Ohhhh, THAT'S what the last question meant!

Jonathan Groff's mole?

Don't worry. He checked. It's benign. Aaron Neville should really follow his lead, though.

Behead me?

Uh, OK.

Can a Texan live in New York City?

Oh, come now, my friend. Not only is that an emphatic yes, but I'd daresay without Texans, New York City's population would rank somewhere between Virginia Beach and Omaha. This is the new Colorado.

'Weakest Link' drag queen torrent?

I see someone watches the Game Show Network! But you've made a very common mistake. That wasn't a drag queen torrent. That was the special "Celebrities From TBN" edition.

Rhys Meyers fag?

He smokes now? Tsk tsk.

Well, that's it. I'm also proud to say I'm the number one search for "gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now." Number four without quote marks. Hooray for incontinence! Still, no one asks me about Tyler Hanes anymore.

2 comments:

S said...

Ok, the Patricia Heaton answer was hilarious. Hi-lar-i-ous.

Rebel Yankee said...

Good god, Mike.
For the first time in a week, I've literally laughed out loud at my desk and had to get up so I wouldn't have to explain to my coworkers that what I was laughing at.
I'm giving you a new statcounter search: commenters who dangle prepositions.
AWESOME!