Closing the book and sticking it on the top shelf

Lest I turn into an all-Jay-Leno blog, I should mention that he has apologized for the remarks to Ryan Phillippe. Per People, Leno said:

In talking about Ryan's first role, I realize that what I said came out wrong. I certainly didn't mean any malice. I agree it was a dumb thing to say, and I apologize.

Not exactly contrition, but it's something. No more of this. I promise.

Also, I've never really gotten why People magazine always identifies everyone by age. Always, says Mike, 24. (gotta practice now before D-Day in August)

The new facebook

Little did I know as I was composing my post on Jay Leno the other day that others--fortunately, people with infintely more blogging clout--had the same idea. Behold: a panoply of gayest looks. I'm one of the many and least creative Mikes on there. Big kudos to Melissa McEwan, Dan Savage and, of course, Jeff Whitty for putting this together.

Oh, and a special note to Chad on there: You're cute. Call me!

Solidarity forever: MY gayest face

At the very moment last night when I was typing about some of the more egregious homophobes on our nation's public platform, Jay Leno apparently was giving them more ammo on "The Tonight Show."

I haven't made a habit of watching the obsequious Leno in years, so I'll let the brilliant Jeff Whitty recap the show (complete with clip). But basically, Leno used an appearance by Ryan Phillippe to spend several minutes teasing him about playing a gay character on a soap opera 12 years ago, at one point asking to turn to a camera and make "his gayest face." Whitty called out Leno a while back about his jaw-droppingly offensive, straight-from-the-70s "Brokeback Mountain" jokes, drawing from dated gay stereotypes.

See, I don't think Leno is homophobic in the least. From all accounts of comedians who know him, he is a genuinely nice guy to all. He does a lot for charity, and unlike a lot of his fellow late-night hosts, he still does comedy shows. It's just that Leno's comedy--as well as that of the tonight show writers--hasn't exactly evolved much in the past 20 years or so.

I saw Leno live in Atlantic City a few years ago. The material, for the most part, was pretty much like a "Tonight Show" monologue: a few chuckles here and there, but mostly easy jokes about easy targets, like Michael Jackson, Robert Blake, Bill Clinton and President Bush. He even had a long bit about the problems his parents have working a VCR. Yes, this was 2004, and he was making VCR jokes, and not even jokes about how hard it was to program a VCR. Just how difficult it was for his parents to use the fast-forward and rewind functions.

So, rewind back to when those sorts of jokes were relevant--this predates even Phillippe's soap appearance, by the way--and "having to play an icky gay guy" jokes are, well, no less offensive, but a little less anachronistic. Remember, that was a time when gay representation on television was mostly the old friend with AIDS who showed up to visit the Sugarbakers or that guy planning Dorothy Zbornak's wedding.

In other words, I don't think Leno was being purposefully hateful like those folks I linked to yesterday. Just lazy and predictable. Who knows? Perhaps he thought showing that old Phillippe jeans ad was his penance to the gays. I think I'll thank him just as Whitty did -- by showing MY gayest face.



Anyone care to join me?

You guys talked me into it

Call it my first decision ever based on the input of blog comments. I got the damn DVR box. Welcome me to, like, three years ago, everybody!

Just tell me: Is it enormously cruel that I bought and stuck it straight in my bedroom? I pretty much yield the living room television to my roommates. If I put the box on that TV, then we could all share it -- but I would rarely get to use it myself. And I do kinda pay the cable bill myself. So it's mine, mine, mine.

They don't even know I have it. I brought it in after rehearsal last night, about 11:30, when they were both in bed and quietly installed it. I just hope they don't notice it. Or read this blog post.

Stars of screen and stage -- simultaneously

After seeing uncredited guest appearances by Jon Stewart, ragin' Cajun evangelist Jesse Duplantis and Papa Smurf on the Off-Broadway stage, I must declare enough!

The first time I saw a working television as a part of a play was "Hurlyburly" a few years ago. It was an interesting convention, seeing the Smurfs or Go-Bots or whatever other "Hey, it's the 80s" statement they wanted to hammer in. And I suppose closing out with Johnny Carson had a plot purpose.

Then, a few weeks ago, I caught "Stone Cold Dead Serious," which treated us to a pre-show QVC extravaganza of sports memorabilia as barely lucid Dad napped on the couch. OK, the QVC appearance figured into the plot, too, although the later appearance of Duplantis was just bizarre. And it was a show about media -- largely video games, but television, too -- so it gets a pass. Barely.

Then, Wednesday, I caught "Dying City," during which an episode of "Law & Order" played on the sparse set as the audience wandered in. Yes, again, "Law & Order" figured into the dialogue, but later on, when the television started playing "The Daily Show" -- which also had been a part of the dialogue -- it was the most distracting moment of all. Some in the audience were actually chuckling at Jon Stewart's quips rather than pay attention to the acting on stage. Hear that, directors? Your props are upstaging your actors!

Listen, guys and gals. We might be an over-stimulated generation, but we still have the capability for a slight suspension of disbelief. Just like we know that there's not a big transparent wall in someone's apartment that's letting the audience peer in, we also could probably accept that a blank television set is not actually playing "Law & Order," "The Tonight Show," "Jerry Falwell's Old Time Gospel Hour" or whatever.

Because you know what the extra media element brings me back to? That dreadful tour of "Starlight Express" with the 3-D movies in lieu of races. And trust me: That's one theatrical memory you do not want me to dredge up while watching your show.

Behead me, baby!

I have a problem with the new miniseries "The Tudors."

That's King Henry VIII, by the way, as played by Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Therein lies the problem. Henry VIII is on the short list of historical figures about whom I should never have impure thoughts! Right between Mahatma Ghandi and Walt Whitman. Yes, I know the man was quite a looker in his younger years, but don't put me in the position to have to picture my not-so-secret little crush Johnny with a turkey leg hanging out of his mouth.

Of course, the show promises "gratuitous nudity," so maybe it has some redeeming qualities after all.

NBC rapes my childhood

Starting with a shameless self-promotion: I had a blast making my Carnegie Hall debut with the New York City Gay Men's Chorus last night, and I think the show went swimmingly.

During the show, however, I missed what I thought was going to be a cute television moment: a live-action remake of "The Year Without a Santa Claus," one of those cheesy Rankin-Bass shows that I can never switch off once they come on. So I set my VCR (I'm old-fashioned that way).

I know, I know. These things are inevitably terrible, but I thought this one had promise. I liked everyone involved: John Goodman (Santa), Delta Burke (Mrs. Claus), Michael McKean (the Snow Miser), Harvey Fierstein (the Heat Miser), Eddie Grif---uh, never mind. After popping in the tape tonight, I tuned out after about 30 minutes. Not only was it dull, dull, dull, but they had the nerve to give Dr. Laura Schlessinger a needless, fawning cameo. I didn't even know she was still around. Isn't there some theater in Branson that she should be performing in? What's next? Sean Hannity as the honking penguin in "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"?

Ah, well. I'm sure ABC Family will rerun the original plenty of times in case I need to restore the sanctity of my memory. Meanwhile, here's some fun trivia. The original Snow Miser (voice) was Dick Shawn, who also played the acid-dropping Hitler in "The Producers." And the original Heat Miser (voice) was George S. Irving, best known for, uh, playing the Heat Miser. But I did see him in a staged reading of "70, Girls, 70" earlier this year. So he's still around.

The innocent days of the fatso and the idiot

I've been revisiting my DVDs of the fabulously underrated early 1990s series "The Critic," and for a show based on timely satire and parodies, it's held up pretty damn well. I don't care what happens in the world. Marlon Brando hula dancing to get eggrolls out of his pants as a chorus of impaled heads on spikes sings in the background -- all part of the movie musical "Apocalypse: Wow!" -- will always be funny. Some of the other jokes remain funny probably only to me, like Faye Dunaway getting whacked with an Oscar when she tries to sing.

A few gags, however, really date the show, particularly whenever Bill Clinton shows up. His appearance usually centered around him stuffing hamburgers down his throat or some other fat joke. Insert your own joke here about how the comedy ended up being about him stuffing things down other people's throats.

I had a similar observation when revisiting the musical "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" the other night (I'm not going to post a full review but will just say that it largely has held up well). The woman next to me got extremely flustered after one throwaway joke aimed at Bush, when a character sings "The Bushes of Tex were nervous wrecks because their son was dim, and look what happened to him." I didn't understand why she was so upset. Not only was it a tiny part of the show, but it's just as dated as a Clinton at McDonalds crack. Nobody, with the possible exception of Jay Leno, is making trite "Bush is a dim bulb" jokes at this point. Jokes that he is a stubborn, volatile, megalomaniacal, ill-read, crooked cowboy, perhaps. But only hacks are making the broad "dumb" jokes.

On the other hand, if "The Critic" is any indication, Hillary/battle-ax jokes haven't changed much over the last decade. Maybe it will take her presidential run to finally pull the comedy world into the 21st Century.

Before they were golden

About all I ever see anymore on television is reruns. The last new show I tried to follow regularly was "Boomtown," and considering the ratings, I was one of the only ones to do so. I've never seen a full episode of "Lost," "Desperate Housewives" or "Grey's Anatomy." It's just too much of a commitment for me. Maybe 30 minutes or an hour a day at dinner is about all I can spare for television, so it's got to be something I trust -- and something that would never leave me.

Until recently. But now even my beloved reruns are leaving me behind for reruns of shows I never watched in the first place. "Designing Women" is all but gone from Lifetime's lineup, and "The Golden Girls" has been pushed back to the hours when I'm either at work or am, theoretically, sleeping.

So as Wisteria Lane takes over Lifetime, imagine my delight to learn that the old 80s gem "Mama's Family," until recently relegated to ungodly hours on TBS, is coming to WGN, officially starting Monday night. Since I can't see Blanche and Rose much anymore, I can now go back to the time where Rue McClanahan played the frumpy one and Betty White played the uber-bitch. Now if they'd just throw in a little "Maude," I could get my fix of Bea Arthur -- back in the time when she was playing...well, the exact same character as always -- with a little bonus Rue to boot.

So glad Rue's been doing a little Broadway lately, by the way. I had gotten concerned for her when she made an appearance at my local Target in Texas shortly after "The Golden Palace" had left the airwaves. She deserved much better than that.

But sorry, Estelle Getty. This doesn't make me any more likely to watch "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot" the next time it airs.